Coldcock Jones' Meaty Okra

Shithawks, IRock Z to Rock Melvins, Big Business After Party.

2008-11-12T13:06:00.000-08:00

Tickets to the Melvin's show are $20, Post Party next door is FREE. Both events are 21 and Over. Rock Club (2109 S. State): Doors at 8pm, Big Business at 9pm. Music Joint (2105 S. State St.): IRock Z & Coldcock Jones & The Shithawks immediately after Melvins next door. MORE INFO.

Join Our Mailing List and Get a Free Gift

2008-10-03T02:42:00.000-07:00

If you join our email list, I'll send you free live songs from one of our live albums. No rhyme or reason to the songs or frequency... just free shit.

Email arsonickscum@gmail.com, dick.

Shithawks with Lasers & Fast & Shit Tomorrow, Andre Williams on Friday.

2008-09-28T15:26:00.000-07:00

That one is tomorrow... Monday Night! Double Door is closed, watch their entire production staff, minus Seth Wilson... guess we should have added him to the bill. Sorry Seth.

Industry people... MONDAY NIGHT gig... FREE show... booze with people you know and like (pretend to like, if you're an asshole... or if we're assholes to you). Our Red Line Tap gigs have always been a blast and I see no reason for this one to differ.

Want a bad-ass weekend show at Double Door? With world-reknowned R&B legend, Andre Williams ("Come on let me see you shake a tailfeather...")...

We're playing last, but that's only because Mr. Williams REQUESTS to play 3rd, and I'll give the man whatever he wants.

If you're not familiar with Andre Williams... or with The Goldstars for that matter, maybe you should click on those links and check them out. You can't not like them. You can't not like us, either... I'll cut you. Seriously, The Midnight Shows, and JC Brooks & The Uptown Sound ARE NO FUCKING JOKE. Serious soul happens on Friday. Fucking mayhem happens on Monday. Fuck it go to both.

In other news... message me your email address so I can add you to our new mailing list. Mailings will not be excessive, mainly pertaining to upcoming shows and releases... I know a lot of you aren't on this myspace contraption all that much.

Do it.

Coldcock Jones

Bible Of The Devil Guitarist Read "All the Harry Potter Books"

2008-09-24T01:01:00.000-07:00

Pontiac Cafe - Through an anonymous source, it was learned that guitarist for the local classic metal band, Bible of the Devil, has not only seen all the Harry Potter movies, but has also read all of the books. Mainly on the toilet.

Nate Perry (pictured below with Harry Potter book), may or may not have returned our call on the matter... we've all be crank stoned all the time since we hear this from the anonymous (his girlfriend) source.

The MEATY OKRA expose on minor celebrities who love Harry Potter books will continue... even faster once we run out of dope.

Lasers and Coldcock and Fast and Shithawks and Shit WEEKEND!

2008-09-07T15:41:00.000-07:00

LIVE WEEKEND OF IN-HOUSE ROCK AT DOUBLE DOOR!

Come see an R&B, Blues, Soul Bazooka as Andre Williams releases his new album on Bloodshot, "Can You Deal With It?" and then come back the next night to see Double Door's Jesse Ewan open for his dad!

Friday Oct. 3 • Doors 8pm Show 9pm • $10

Andre Williams w/ The Goldstars
(Bloodshot Records CD Release)

Coldcock Jones and the Shithawks

The Midnight Shows

JC Brooks and the Uptown Sound

Buy Tickets

Saturday Oct. 4 • Doors 8pm Show 9pm • $8

First Friday

Lasers and Fast and Shit

$2 OFF WITH ROCKPASS

First Friday formed in the autumn of 1967 at the University of Notre Dame. They practiced in the basement of Dillon Hall, where they found a stack of blank posters with the heading First Friday (meant to advertise First Friday mass in the dorm chapel) and chose their name in order to capitalize on the "free" promotional materials. They recorded their debut album in 1969 in Nashville, on James Brown's original label King records. (This album has sold recently on ebay for over $400.00!) Perhaps the best overlooked rock band of the late 60's, and featuring grammy winning engineer and producer Andy Wallace (Nirvana, Rage Against The Machine, Jeff Buckley), First Friday reunites to play Double Door on Saturday October 4th.

Buy Tickets

Coldcock To Cut Hair

2008-09-07T13:53:00.000-07:00

Actually, he's looking for someone else to do it. Draw a picture, scan it, and post it here in the comments, and the best drawing gets to cut his damn hair. He had enough of this nappy weave and wants it gone!

VOTE

2008-09-07T13:50:00.000-07:00

Come on, let's go! Vote for how you'd want Coldcock to lay into you! Cast your vote to your right.

I voted for "from behind, bent over." That's how I like to fuck.

-Coldcock

Shithawk Nestroom Surveillance Camera Yet To Catch A Shithawk Pooping.

2008-09-02T23:54:00.000-07:00

Not yet...

...someone's gonna shit. That big ol' camera is pretty intimidating. Stay tuned.

Trasho Trashington: Filthy AND Stupid.

2008-09-02T23:44:00.000-07:00

Purely arbitrary, but this is how we feel. This man...

...owes us money for Crack Cocaine® and three (3) white girls. Buyer beware.

He sure can play that guitar, though. See also: The Trashingtons.

TV's Steve Wilkos Receives 3rd Degree Chairmaster Belt.

2008-09-02T23:27:00.000-07:00

Steve Wilkos, of Springer Show spin-off, The Steve Wilkos Show, featuring Springer security guard, Steve Wilkos, has been awarded the Coldcock Jones Triple Black Belt for Excellence in Chair Mastery. While Wilkos routinely throws chairs and denies them to his guests on his show, frequently child and/or wife abusers, the video below paints the true spirit of what makes him a Chair Master®.

The set, which accepted the chair and was once believed to be made out of carved granite, has apparently been repaired, as Steady Rock and I didn't notice any holes in it on today's show.

- Coldcock Jones

Rival News Source Gives Poor Review.

2008-09-02T21:52:00.000-07:00

Rival Chicago news source, Undergroundbee.com, shocked Shithawk nation when he posted a less that gleaming review of the bands performance February, 21 with The Dirtbombs at Double Door. Actually, it was just tonight that anyone in our camp even saw the review.

"It's really kind of exciting, as it's the first written review of the band's live performance to be found," explained band manager, Boo Boo McSwain.

"I think I found it on the bottom of page three in a google search for Coldcock Jones & The Shithawks: 69 Greatest Hits EP. I was excited at first because I was stoned and thought it was the Modesto Bee, of Modesto, CA."

Music editorialist for Underground Bee, Robert Loerzel, wrote about The Shithawks' performance...

"The first band of the night, Coldcock Jones and the Shithawks, was just as vile and stupid as you would guess from the name. The singer ended up practically yelling at audience members who didn't appreciate his band's subpar Ted Nugent wankery. Maybe it was all a joke, but even if you looked at ironically as some sort of performance art, it was a painful experience."

Front house sound engineer at Double Door, Jesse Ewan, had an interesting perspective on the venue's audience that night.

"Everyone in front of the sound booth seemed to be having the time of their life, while everyone behind the booth seemed to be impatiently waiting for (The Shithawks) to finish." The publication's editor must have been in the back of the room.

Band front man and Peoria Blues Legend®, Johnny "Coldcock" Jones, has encountered more than a few of these crowds. Those who have followed his live career have seen hostile audiences (both pussy and aggressive) react to the performer's aggressive delivery. When asked how he felt about two groups of audience members, the band's drummer, Clarence "Steady Rock" Jameson, claimed, "That's exactly how I want it."

Jones pointed to the fact that he, "doesn't care," what anyone has to say, unless they are influential and/or attractive.

He went on to add that until Mr. Loerzel is either more attractive and/or more influential than Juliette Lewis (a fan of the band), the artist would do whatever he could to help the blogger reach people that care about blogs.

"When it comes down to it, we're in this together, even though he might not understand what I do," Jones pondered, "sometimes those who think more about entertainment, just don't understand those who think more about entertaining."

Jerry Reed Dead.

2008-09-02T15:42:00.000-07:00

Guess Who's Ass Openin' for Andre Williams...

2008-09-02T14:59:00.000-07:00

R&B Legend, ANDRE WILLIAMS will be releasing his new album, "Can You Deal With It?" (Bloodshot) at the Double Door October 3rd. Also appearing will be The Midnight Shows, Coldcock Jones & The Shithawks, and JC Brooks & The Uptown Sound. Go.

Yo Big City.

2008-08-28T01:20:00.000-07:00

- A social commentary by Peoria Blues Legend®, Johnny "Coldcock" Jones (of the Chicago band, "Coldcock Jones & The Shithawks.")

Maybe you readin' this up in Milwaukee... or Detroit... or Minneapolis... or some lil' town out in the sticks. I can tell you about two things, though. I can tell you about the streets of Chicago and I can tell you about economic recession. I am a bluesman, you know. Maybe you been off the streets of yo town and you ain't seen the problem like I done seen it. Folks ain't got the money to spend like they used to. Used to go out and throw the shit away like it was toilet paper with inconsistent feces on it. Now if you a band, you might find it harder to get assholes to come out to your show, or if you work in the club, you might have noticed how hard it is to get assholes in there to drink booze and feed yo babies.

Maybe you been walkin' down the street and seen how them street folk been more aggressive about gettin' at your spare change, which ain't so spare these days.

If you live in a big city, you know yo local sidewalk "speedbums"... fools ain't got no job, whether cuz they decrepit or cuz they just a plain ol' bums. Ones I see all the time is in Chicago's "Crotch," in Wicker Park at Milwaukee, Damen and North. Same ol' fools been out there ever since I woke up out of a drinkin' binge in Chicago a few years back. Usually we tight and all is good, but when the money ain't circilatin' like it was befo', look out... them motherfuckers be askin' for too much money an' they get bold as hell. They'll walk right up to yo ass while you sittin' at the outdoor restaurant patio... while you sittin' in the window of one of them fancy saloons... or when you gettin' fresh with somebody in the alley. Shit, they don't care... they hungry (thirsty) and the fists is gettin' tight around the hood.

You gonna see utha muthafuckas comin' round the 'hood, too. Hell, that Crotch is gettin' whiter and whiter each day, and it ain't just the yuppie douchebags movin' into gentrified condos no more. The bums are gettin' whiter. The Crotch is littered with lazy white hippie drifters askin' for money, or playin' them little mini guitars that sound like a toy.

You might think it some kinda pain in yo ass that all these fuckers is askin' you fo mo money and cigarettes and shit, but you better enjoy it while it lasts, because the next step is that they gonna rob yo ass! I ain't floatin' no kind of shit on that, neither. YO WHITE ASS IS GONNA GET ROBBED. SO IS YO BLACK ASS. Every shade of yo ass is gonna get robbed, and if you never got robbed before, let me tell you what might accompany it... a beatdown, a quick-hit with a stick, a shivvin' and maybe a shot will ring out in the night. Desperation will make a man do crazy things... especially a man who ain't got no pride enough to work for his money.

Yo home is gonna get broked into. They gonna take anything they can find. Half the time they don't know how worthless shit is, but they seem to have a knack for knowin' what is full of worth to you alone. They'll take yo prize collection of grandma photos and throw 'em away in a dumpster outside a pawn shop. If they lucky, they'll take all yo shit that worth money, too. Hope you ain't home when they come in. Desperation will make a man do crazy things.

Wimmen drive me the craziest. That ain't no surprise to any man that's ever dealt with one, but they can be some stubborn folks. I'm all kinds of down with you doin' what you want to do in the office, the military, the bed... that don't make no difference to me, but a lot of you wimmen think you tough shit and ain't nobody can fuck with you. I got some questions fo you wimmen...

How big yo muscles, how much karate you know and how fast can you dig out that eye-killin' spray from yo big ol' purse???

You a target. Yo money look easier... but they come after anyone.

My recommendation for the time being? Be courteous and don't make no street enemies... don't look like you got money... don't get shit-hammered drunk and stumble 'round the streets... don't walk around alone... be mindful 'bout what goin' on behind you... and be ready to get yo' ass jumped. If possible, if confronted with a mugger, point him in the direction of a much easier target... say a whitey couple with a baby... or a hipster who pants too tight to run in. Self-preservation, man.

Milwaukee... Chicago... Detroit... Minneapolis... Peoria... keep yo eyes open.

Desperation will make a man do crazy things.